Chapter 5. BOFFIN’S BOWER

OveragainstaLondonhouse,acornerhousenotfarfromCavendishSquare,amanwithawoodenleghadsatforsomeyears,withhisremainingfootinabasketincoldweather,pickingupalivingonthiswise:—Everymorningateighto’clock,hestumpedtothecorner,carryingachair,aclothes-horse,apairoftrestles,aboard,abasket,andanumbrella,allstrappedtogether.Separatingthese,theboardandtrestlesbecameacounter,thebasketsuppliedthefewsmalllotsoffruitandsweetsthatheofferedforsaleuponitandbecameafoot-warmer,theunfoldedclothes-horsedisplayedachoicecollectionofhalfpennyballadsandbecameascreen,andthestoolplantedwithinitbecamehispostfortherestoftheday.Allweatherssawthemanatthepost.Thisistobeacceptedinadoublesense,forhecontrivedabacktohiswoodenstool,byplacingitagainstthelamp-post.Whentheweatherwaswet,heputuphisumbrellaoverhisstockintrade,notoverhimselfwhentheweatherwasdry,hefurledthatfadedarticle,tieditroundwithapieceofyarn,andlaiditcross-wiseunderthetrestles:whereitlookedlikeanunwholesomely-forcedlettucethathadlostincolourandcrispnesswhatithadgainedinsize. Hehadestablishedhisrighttothecorner,byimperceptibleprescription.Hehadnevervariedhisgroundaninch,buthadinthebeginningdiffidentlytakenthecorneruponwhichthesideofthehousegave.Ahowlingcornerinthewintertime,adustycornerinthesummertime,anundesirablecorneratthebestoftimes.Shelterlessfragmentsofstrawandpapergotuprevolvingstormsthere,whenthemainstreetwasatpeaceandthewater-cart,asifitweredrunkorshort-sighted,cameblunderingandjoltingroundit,makingitmuddywhenallelsewasclean. Onthefrontofhissale-boardhungalittleplacard,likeakettle-holder,bearingtheinscriptioninhisownsmalltext: Errandsgone Onwithfi DelityBy LadiesandGentlemen Iremain YourhumbleServt: SilasWegg Hehadnotonlysettleditwithhimselfincourseoftime,thathewaserrand-goerbyappointmenttothehouseatthecorner(thoughhereceivedsuchcommissionsnothalfadozentimesinayear,andthenonlyassomeservant’sdeputy),butalsothathewasoneofthehouse’sretainersandowedvassalagetoitandwasboundtolealandloyalinterestinit.Forthisreason,healwaysspokeofitas‘OurHouse,’and,thoughhisknowledgeofitsaffairswasmostlyspeculativeandallwrong,claimedtobeinitsconfidence.Onsimilargroundsheneverbeheldaninmateatanyoneofitswindowsbuthetouchedhishat.Yet,heknewsolittleabouttheinmatesthathegavethemnamesofhisowninvention:as‘MissElizabeth’,‘MasterGeorge’,‘AuntJane’,‘UncleParker‘—havingnoauthoritywhateverforanysuchdesignations,butparticularlythelast—towhich,asanaturalconsequence,hestuckwithgreatobstinacy. Overthehouseitself,heexercisedthesameimaginarypowerasoveritsinhabitantsandtheiraffairs.Hehadneverbeeninit,thelengthofapieceoffatblackwater-pipewhichtraileditselfoverthearea-doorintoadampstonepassage,andhadrathertheairofaleechonthehousethathad‘taken’wonderfullybutthiswasnoimpedimenttohisarrangingitaccordingtoaplanofhisown.Itwasagreatdingyhousewithaquantityofdimsidewindowandblankbackpremises,anditcosthismindaworldoftroublesotolayitoutastoaccountforeverythinginitsexternalappearance.But,thisoncedone,wasquitesatisfactory,andherestedpersuaded,thatheknewhiswayaboutthehouseblindfold:fromthebarredgarretsinthehighroof,tothetwoironextinguishersbeforethemaindoor—whichseemedtorequestalllivelyvisitorstohavethekindnesstoputthemselvesout,beforeentering. Assuredly,thisstallofSilasWegg’swasthehardestlittlestallofallthesterilelittlestallsinLondon.Itgaveyoutheface-achetolookathisapples,thestomach-achetolookathisoranges,thetooth-achetolookathisnuts.Ofthelattercommodityhehadalwaysagrimlittleheap,onwhichlayalittlewoodenmeasurewhichhadnodiscernibleinside,andwasconsideredtorepresentthepenn’orthappointedbyMagnaCharta.Whetherfromtoomucheastwindorno—itwasaneasterlycorner—thestall,thestock,andthekeeper,wereallasdryastheDesert.Weggwasaknottyman,andaclose-grained,withafacecarvedoutofveryhardmaterial,thathadjustasmuchplayofexpressionasawatchman’srattle.Whenhelaughed,certainjerksoccurredinit,andtherattlesprung.Soothtosay,hewassowoodenamanthatheseemedtohavetakenhiswoodenlegnaturally,andrathersuggestedtothefancifulobserver,thathemightbeexpected—ifhisdevelopmentreceivednountimelycheck—tobecompletelysetupwithapairofwoodenlegsinaboutsixmonths. MrWeggwasanobservantperson,or,ashehimselfsaid,‘tookapowerfulsightofnotice’.Hesalutedallhisregularpassers-byeveryday,ashesatonhisstoolbackedupbythelamp-postandontheadaptablecharacterofthesesaluteshegreatlyplumedhimself.Thus,totherector,headdressedabow,compoundedoflaydeference,andaslighttouchoftheshadypreliminarymeditationatchurchtothedoctor,aconfidentialbow,astoagentlemanwhoseacquaintancewithhisinsidehebeggedrespectfullytoacknowledgebeforetheQualityhedelightedtoabasehimselfandforUncleParker,whowasinthearmy(atleast,sohehadsettledit),heputhisopenhandtothesideofhishat,inamilitarymannerwhichthatangry-eyedbuttoned-upinflammatory-facedoldgentlemanappearedbutimperfectlytoappreciate. TheonlyarticleinwhichSilasdealt,thatwasnothard,wasgingerbread.Onacertainday,somewretchedinfanthavingpurchasedthedampgingerbread-horse(fearfullyoutofcondition),andtheadhesivebird-cage,whichhadbeenexposedfortheday’ssale,hehadtakenatinboxfromunderhisstooltoproducearelayofthosedreadfulspecimens,andwasgoingtolookinatthelid,whenhesaidtohimself,pausing:‘Oh!Hereyouareagain!’ Thewordsreferredtoabroad,round-shouldered,one-sidedoldfellowinmourning,comingcomicallyamblingtowardsthecorner,dressedinapeaover-coat,andcarryingalargestick.Heworethickshoes,andthickleathergaiters,andthickgloveslikeahedger’s.Bothastohisdressandtohimself,hewasofanoverlappingrhinocerosbuild,withfoldsinhischeeks,andhisforehead,andhiseyelids,andhislips,andhisearsbutwithbright,eager,childishly-inquiring,greyeyes,underhisraggedeyebrows,andbroad-brimmedhat.Averyodd-lookingoldfellowaltogether. ‘Hereyouareagain,’repeatedMrWegg,musing.‘Andwhatareyounow?AreyouintheFunns,orwhereareyou?Haveyoulatelycometosettleinthisneighbourhood,ordoyouowntoanotherneighbourhood?Areyouinindependentcircumstances,orisitwastingthemotionsofabowonyou?Come!I’llspeculate!I’llinvestabowinyou.’ WhichMrWegg,havingreplacedhistinbox,accordinglydid,asherosetobaithisgingerbread-trapforsomeotherdevotedinfant.Thesalutewasacknowledgedwith: ‘Morning,sir!Morning!Morning!’ (‘CallsmeSir!’saidMrWegg,tohimself‘hewon’tanswer.Abowgone!’) ‘Morning,morning,morning!’ ‘Appearstoberathera‘