CHAPTER IX. LESSONS

THEfirstfewweekswerehardones,forPollyhadnotyetoutgrownhernaturalshynessandgoingamongsomanystrangerscausedherfrequentpanics.Butherpurposegavehercourage,andwhentheicewasoncebroken,herlittlepupilsquicklylearnedtoloveher.Thenoveltysoonworeoff,andthoughshethoughtshewaspreparedfordrudgery,shefounditverytedioustogoondoingthesamethingdayafterday.Thenshewaslonely,forWillcouldonlycomeonceaweek,herleisurehourswereFanny'sbusiest,andthe“bitsofpleasure”weresofewandfarbetweenthattheyonlytantalizedher.Evenhersmallhousekeepinglostitscharms,forPollywasasocialcreature,andthesolitarymealswereoftensadones.AshputtelandNickdidtheirbesttocheerher,buttheytoo,seemedtopineforcountryfreedomandhomeatmosphere.PoorPuttel,aftergazingwistfullyoutofthewindowatthegauntcitycatsskulkingabouttheyard,wouldretiretotherug,andcurlherselfupasifallhopeoffindingcongenialsocietyhadfailedwhilelittleNickwouldsingtillhevibratedonhisperch,withoutreceivinganyresponseexceptaninquisitivechirpfromthepertsparrows,whoseemedtotwithimwithhiscaptivity.Yes,bythetimethelittleteakettlehadlostitsbrightness,Pollyhaddecidedthatgettingone'slivingwasnojoke,andmanyofherbrillianthopeshadsharedthefateofthelittlekettle. Ifonecouldonlymakethesacrificeallatonce,anddonewithit,thenitwouldseemeasierbuttokeepupadailysacrificeofone'swishes,tastes,andpleasures,isratherahardtask,especiallywhenoneispretty,young,andgay.Lessonsallday,ahighlyinstructivelecture,booksoverasolitaryfire,ormusicwithnoaudiencebutasleepycatandabirdwithhisheadtuckedunderhiswing,foreveningentertainment,wasnotexactlywhatmightbecalledfestiveso,inspiteofherbraveresolutions,Pollydidlongforalittlefunsometimes,andaftersayingvirtuouslytoherselfatnine:“Yes,itismuchwiserandbetterformetogotobedearly,andbereadyforworktomorrow,”shewouldlieawakehearingthecarriagesrolltoandfro,andimaginingthegaygirlsinside,goingtoparty,opera,orplay,tillMrs.Dodd'shoppillowmightaswellhavebeenstuffedwithnettles,foranysleepitbrought,oranyuseitwas,excepttocatchandhidethetearsthatdroppedonitwhenPolly'sheartwasveryfull. AnotherthornthatwoundedourPollyinherfirstattempttomakeherwaythroughthethicketthatalwaysbarsawoman'sprogress,wasthediscoverythatworkingforalivingshutsagoodmanydoorsinone'sfaceevenindemocraticAmerica.AsFanny'sguestshehadbeen,inspiteofpoverty,kindlyreceivedwhereverherfriendtookher,bothaschildandwoman.Now,thingswerechangedthekindlypeoplepatronized,thecarelessforgotallabouther,andevenFanny,withallheraffection,feltthatPollythemusicteacherwouldnotbewelcomeinmanyplaceswherePollytheyoungladyhadbeenacceptedas“MissShaw'sfriend.” Someofthegirlsstillnoddedamiably,butneverinvitedhertovisitthemothersmerelydroppedtheireyelids,andwentbywithoutspeaking,whileagoodmanyignoredherasentirelyasifshehadbeeninvisible.ThesethingshurtPollymorethanshewouldconfess,forathomeeveryoneworked,andeveryonewasrespectedforit.Shetriednottocare,butgirlsfeellittleslightskeenly,andmorethanoncePollywasseverelytemptedtogiveupherplan,andrunawaytothesafeshelterathome. FannyneverfailedtoaskhertoeverysortoffestivityintheShawmansionbutafterafewtrials,Pollyfirmlydeclinedeverythingbutinformalvisitswhenthefamilywerealone.Shesoonfoundthateventhenewblacksilkwasn'tfineenoughforFanny'ssmallestparty,and,afterreceivingafewoftheexpressiveglancesbywhichwomenconveytheiropinionoftheirneighbor'stoilet,andoverhearingajokeortwo“aboutthatinevitabledress,”and“thelittleblackbird,”Pollyfoldedawaytheoncetreasuredfrock,saying,withachokeinhervoice:“I'llwearitforWill,helikesit,andclothescan'tchangehisloveforme.” IamafraidthewholesomesweetnessofPolly'snaturewasgettingalittlesouredbythesetroublesbutbeforelastingharmwasdone,shereceived,fromanunexpectedsource,someoftherealhelpwhichteachesyoungpeoplehowtobearthesesmallcrosses,byshowingthemtheheavieronestheyhaveescaped,andbygivingthemanideaofthehigherpleasuresonemayearninthegood,old-fashionedwaysthatkeepheartssweet,headssane,handsbusy. EverybodyhastheirdaysofmisfortunelikelittleRosamond,andPollywasbeginningtothinkshehadmorethanhershare.Oneoftheseendedinawaywhichinfluencedherwholelife,andsowewillrecordit.Itbeganearlyforthehard-heartedlittlegratewouldn'tbehaveitselftillshehaduseduparuinousquantityofkindlings.ThenshescaldedpoorPuttelbyupsettinghercoffee-potandinsteadofaleisurely,cosymeal,hadtohurryawayuncomfortably,foreverythingwentwrongeventothecomingoffofbothbonnetstringsinthelastdreadfulscramble.Beinglate,sheofcourseforgothermusic,andhurryingbackforit,fellintoapuddle,whichcappedtheclimaxofherdespair. Suchatryingmorningasthatwas!Pollyfeltoutoftuneherself,andallthepianosseemedtoneedatunerasmuchasshedid.Thepupilswereunusuallystupid,andtwoofthemannouncedthattheirmammawasgoingtotakethemtotheSouth,whithershewassuddenlycalled.Thiswas