Chapter 2. THE MAN FROM SOMEWHERE

ad,lookingaslikehishairbrushesashishair,dissolvingviewofredbeadsonhisforehead,largeallowanceofcrumpledshirt-collarupbehind.ReflectsMrsPodsnapfinewomanforProfessorOwen,quantityofbone,neckandnostrilslikearocking-horse,hardfeatures,majestichead-dressinwhichPodsnaphashunggoldenofferings.ReflectsTwemlowgrey,dry,polite,susceptibletoeastwind,First-Gentleman-in-Europecollarandcravat,cheeksdrawninasifhehadmadeagreatefforttoretireintohimselfsomeyearsago,andhadgotsofarandhadnevergotanyfarther.Reflectsmatureyoungladyravenlocks,andcomplexionthatlightsupwellwhenwellpowdered—asitis—carryingonconsiderablyinthecaptivationofmatureyounggentlemanwithtoomuchnoseinhisface,toomuchgingerinhiswhiskers,toomuchtorsoinhiswaistcoat,toomuchsparkleinhisstuds,hiseyes,hisbuttons,histalk,andhisteeth.ReflectscharmingoldLadyTippinsonVeneering’srightwithanimmenseobtusedraboblongface,likeafaceinatablespoon,andadyedLongWalkupthetopofherhead,asaconvenientpublicapproachtothebunchoffalsehairbehind,pleasedtopatronizeMrsVeneeringopposite,whoispleasedtobepatronized.Reflectsacertain‘Mortimer’,anotherofVeneering’soldestfriendswhoneverwasinthehousebefore,andappearsnottowanttocomeagain,whositsdisconsolateonMrsVeneering’sleft,andwhowasinveigledbyLadyTippins(afriendofhisboyhood)tocometothesepeople’sandtalk,andwhowon’ttalk.ReflectsEugene,friendofMortimerburiedaliveinthebackofhischair,behindashoulder—withapowder-epauletteonit—ofthematureyounglady,andgloomilyresortingtothechampagnechalicewheneverprofferedbytheAnalyticalChemist.Lastly,thelooking-glassreflectsBootsandBrewer,andtwootherstuffedBuffersinterposedbetweentherestofthecompanyandpossibleaccidents. TheVeneeringdinnersareexcellentdinners—ornewpeoplewouldn’tcome—andallgoeswell.Notably,LadyTippinshasmadeaseriesofexperimentsonherdigestivefunctions,soextremelycomplicatedanddaring,thatiftheycouldbepublishedwiththeirresultsitmightbenefitthehumanrace.Havingtakeninprovisionsfromallpartsoftheworld,thishardyoldcruiserhaslasttouchedattheNorthPole,when,astheice-platesarebeingremoved,thefollowingwordsfallfromher: ‘Iassureyou,mydearVeneering—’ (PoorTwemlow’shandapproacheshisforehead,foritwouldseemnow,thatLadyTippinsisgoingtobetheoldestfriend.) ‘Iassureyou,mydearVeneering,thatitistheoddestaffair!Liketheadvertisingpeople,Idon’taskyoutotrustme,withoutofferingarespectablereference.Mortimerthere,ismyreference,andknowsallaboutit.’ Mortimerraiseshisdroopingeyelids,andslightlyopenshismouth.Butafaintsmile,expressiveof‘What’stheuse!’passesoverhisface,andhedropshiseyelidsandshutshismouth. ‘Now,Mortimer,’saysLadyTippins,rappingthesticksofherclosedgreenfanupontheknucklesofherlefthand—whichisparticularlyrichinknuckles,‘IinsistuponyourtellingallthatistobetoldaboutthemanfromJamaica.’ ‘GiveyoumyhonourIneverheardofanymanfromJamaica,exceptthemanwhowasabrother,’repliesMortimer. ‘Tobago,then.’ ‘NoryetfromTobago.’ ‘Except,’Eugenestrikesin:sounexpectedlythatthematureyounglady,whohasforgottenallabouthim,withastarttakestheepauletteoutofhisway:‘exceptourfriendwholonglivedonrice-puddingandisinglass,tillatlengthtohissomethingorother,hisphysiciansaidsomethingelse,andalegofmuttonsomehowendedindaygo.’ ArevivingimpressiongoesroundthetablethatEugeneiscomingout.Anunfulfilledimpression,forhegoesinagain. ‘Now,mydearMrsVeneering,’quothLadyTippins,Iappealtoyouwhetherthisisnotthebasestconducteverknowninthisworld?Icarrymyloversabout,twoorthreeatatime,onconditionthattheyareveryobedientanddevotedandhereismyoldestlover-in-chief,theheadofallmyslaves,throwingoffhisallegiancebeforecompany!Andhereisanotherofmylovers,aroughCymonatpresentcertainly,butofwhomIhadmosthopefulexpectationsastohisturningoutwellincourseoftime,pretendingthathecan’trememberhisnurseryrhymes!Onpurposetoannoyme,forheknowshowIdoatuponthem!’ AgrislylittlefictionconcerningherloversisLadyTippins’spoint.Sheisalwaysattendedbyaloverortwo,andshekeepsalittlelistofherlovers,andsheisalwaysbookinganewlover,orstrikingoutanoldlover,orputtingaloverinherblacklist,orpromotingalovertoherbluelist,oraddingupherlovers,orotherwisepostingherbook.MrsVeneeringischarmedbythehumour,andsoisVeneering.PerhapsitisenhancedbyacertainyellowplayinLadyTippins’sthroat,likethelegsofscratchingpoultry. ‘Ibanishthefalsewretchfromthismoment,andIstrikehimoutofmyCupidon(mynameformyLedger,mydear,)thisverynight.ButIamresolvedtohavetheaccountofthemanfromSomewhere,andIbegyoutoelicititforme,mylove,’toMrsVeneering,‘asIhavelostmyowninfluence.O